Model fantasies

Feeling lonely and lost.

2010-03-11T05:21:00.003+08:00

Recently won CODE:EDGE 3 Asia Finals.!! Wooohhooo.!! Go Spice Boyz.!! heheheh...

okay. i dont feel like talking about dance.

So, i have been having quite alot of alone time recently. I even went to JB on my own on tuesday morning. 1stly to get something, 2ndly i couldn't sleep and lastly, i just needed to get away from everything.. Going JB alone really helps. It was a different scenery and you dont feel like it's the things you see everyday. It really got me distracted from my life. But yeah.. i had to come back tho and face reality.

It's sucky.

I hate whatever that going on. What's the meaning of this. Everything is going rocky. Im talking about personal life. Not dance related. Im getting more crazier each day. And people talking nonsense about who im with. Come on.. But i can't blame you for talking about me. hahah.. at least someone thinks of me at some times.. hahahah.!! Be it in a bad way. :P

And i really learnt something. If you hear something bad about a particular someone, don't just jump to conclusion and think that he/she is bad. It could be that he/she is just giving a bad attitude to someone but not to you. I learnt that after getting to know someone who alot of people hate. Well, i seriously find that person a good person. To me, if you didn't do anything bad towards me, then why should i even hate you.? Just because some other people tell me bad things about you.? Not gonna happen with me.! :DD

Anws, i will be having a platform for Heels. 24th March 2010 is it.! It falls on a wednesday. Fees will be at $18 per head. For any enquiries, you can find me at facebook and ask me there alrite.? :D

So it's been a while....

2010-01-28T02:33:00.003+08:00

Hmm.. Heartbreaks after heartbreaks... Here i am again.. complaining about this stupid life im in.. Things haven't been so good these days.. But in terms of party-ing... I can say that i'm pretty much having wayyy tooo much fun... hahah. Oh well...

Today you asked me for help.. Like always.. But i just didn't wanted to help. Why? Simple.. You just needed me for emergencies.. Or when you're simply horny. It wasn't easy for me to just stare at the msg and not help.. And so... I didn't reply.. And every min, my mind will keep on telling to reply you but hey!! You broke my heart just 2 days ago.. How can i ever forget..

I know i don't want this sucky situation to occur.. I wish things to be normal between us.. And the only way.. is for me to be like how i was before...

I WANNA BE LIKE BEFORE..!! Why did i change.???!

I don't wanna keep on having nights of sighs.. I wanna wake up to a beautiful morning... Will that ever happen.?

Okay.. i update..

2009-12-18T20:13:00.002+08:00

The feeling suck.! The feeling really really suck..

I can't get over him. I've tried many many ways but still..... Couldn't stop thinking of him..

The most sucky part is when u really love that person and u have to see him/her happily with someone else.. GOSH.! It really suck.

There is nothing else i could do.. I just have to live with it.. Painful.? Prettty much how life's planned for me..

And to someone(dancer) who hates me, i know pretty much everything u said to people who you think might not spread it but he did.. And it has already reached me. So yeah.. Watch your mouth.. I'm coming for you.. :D

And one more thing, to those who doesn't know me well and wants to hate me just bcoz:
- You think i have an arrogant face or
- Just bcoz you hear bad things about me,
Go ahead. I really don't care. But let me tell you a little more about the so called DANCE society. Trust no one. Anyone can back stab anyone at any moment. Trust me..

Why you think i don't like to make so many friends in the dance scene. I don't wanna be those typical plastics where they go "ohhh hi... i miss you.. bla bla blaa" NONSENSE.!

I know who to trust and i'm pretty much happy with the clan i'm close with these days.. The trust-able clan. :D

Dance Xplosion & My heart XPLODED..!!

2009-12-01T04:33:00.004+08:00

Dance Xplosion is over.. We managed to achieve 2nd.. It wasn't a good item tho.. :( Very disappointed. In myself especially.. Argghh.!! If only we had more time.... Enough said.. Any of you looking for the video, you can find it in youtube or in my facebook account. :D

I'm not in the right state of mind. I hate everything that's going on right now. Dance, Dance, DANCE.!! Stupid la.! Why can't i just disappear and move on happily. I can.. But somehow.. I dont want to.. I feel like doing a contemp item now.. If you would want me to dance. I've had enough.

And so.. I will be departing for genting this Friday.. Am still not sure about this.. Im worried.. For many reasons..

I had fun with KX's at Marina Mandarin the night after Dance Xplosion.. It was like.. I could finally smell peace n just joy.. That 2 nights was heaven for my brain.! I simply love the stay in that hotel.. Thanx AYEEN.!! :DD

Then again.. I fell.. Arrgghh.! I just couldn't stay away from him.. It's like.. I want to.. Badly.. But i just can't.. I hate this piece of sh*t..!! Andreas andreas.. Why couldn't u just like people who like you even tho you dont haf feelings for them.?? WHY.?!! Arrgghh.! I just hafff to fall for stupid guys.!! But then again.. I'm afraid to hurt people.. :( Why can't i just be like those heartless guys......

*sheds to bed*

Oh well...

2009-11-18T23:11:00.003+08:00

How do i start 2day's post.? Nothing much to say i guess... I've just gotten something out of my chest.. well.. it kinda feels better.. But if you would still wanna start a fight with me, by all means.. :)

This weekend is Dance Xplosion 4.. At outside Hougang Hub. Take a train n go down at Hougang if you wanna come aite.? 2pm it'll kick off.. My slot is on Sunday.. Group Name : DIRTY. Hahah. Why dirty.? idk laa. ask the rest... hahahah.. There's also gonna be other groups compete-ting on saturday.. So do come down whenever u feel like.. :D

practice practice practice... Tat's all for now..

As much as i want to, i can't.

2009-11-06T07:17:00.000+08:00

As much as i want to move on, i can't. I just have to accept it.

Yes, we all do want to move on from our bad love life. But as much as all of us want that, we just can't. We're still deeply in love. Just gotta accept that.

I'm still freaking stuck in this situation. Feeling real down and all while i'm pretty sure he's out there sleeping around with other people. But yet, the feelings just wouldn't go away.

I just have to keep on saying this to myself. "He's just not into me."

So anws, i did a slight research as i couldn't sleep which i'm supposed to by now.. So i asked around. "How do i get over someone that i love.?" The answers that different people gave was quite amazing tho.

There's the sweet guy - "I've went through that b4. It will take time to get over him and you have to move on."

There's the sweet yet trying to show that he's cool guy - "Simple. You can't."

There's the heartless always horny guy - "You have to learn to be heartless."

Then there's me - "You can't get over him unless you're in love with another person." And i think that yeah. I actually helped myself to that question. Well, it is the fact. There's no other way to get over someone you love.

This is really driving me crazzzyyy..!! 'YOU' are the reason for my sleepless nights.. Arrggghh.! How much more complicated can this life of mine get.?! Stupid sh*t.!

And today i'm really pissed off. Especially to those guys who just wanna get into my pants. LET ME GIVE YOU A HINT: YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO ENTER UNLESS I LIKE YOU.! GET IT?? It's like you guys just don't understand when i said i don't want to. Arggh. Dumb guys.. I just realized that there's actually alot.. I MEAN ALOOOTT of horny guys out there.. If you're thinking for a clean fun sex with me, don't even think of adding me anywhere(facebook,msn,watever places).. That is for now tho.. HAH.! Coz i dunno what i'll be like in the future. That famous line is right: "people change."

And to 'you': I'm glad that i didn't gave you my all. Or else i think i would be pretty much crazy by now. But i do miss spending time with you. Badly. Like the past few weeks. But after halloween, it just su*k.! Big time. I think we both had different mind set. I thought.... You thought.. Actually i still dunno what you thought but i have a feeling i know what u thought.. So anws, i do want things to be like normal again.. At least when it's normal, i do get to spend time with you. :D But right now, i just have to get over you. Question is, how.?? Wait. Didn't i just answered that above.?

Shit. I got work in like 1hr 30mins. I haven't even slept. And i'm sooo lazy to work.. can i not.? And just go to sleep.?

Just sooo be it..

2009-11-05T02:43:00.002+08:00

I was thinking.. Why do i keep on emo-ing.? Post after post. Sadness after sadness.. Gosh.! It's kinda boring..

And i figured, why do i have to always be sad.? I mean like. It's not wrong to be sad when you've been hurt. But life has to move on. Yeah.. It has to.. So cheer up andreas.! :D

Well, it sounds pretty is it doesn't it.? And truth is, IT'S NOT.! arggh.! hahah. But you know.. I still do wanna be happy.. So we'll just let everything falls into place..

i kept on thinking bout you.. :(

Screw you..

2009-11-02T00:45:00.001+08:00

He's just not that into me..

2day has been a day when i stayed in my room the whole day just lying down. Getting something to drink then back to lying down. Probably still upset and heartbroken. Oh well. Bad things do happen. I just need to tell myself that.

I really can't find a way to NOT think of him.. He f*cking hurt me..

I should have ran away when i could. Especially the day when he kept on blabbering about he and he's memories.. It is obvious that he wants to go back to "him" even tho "he" hurt him.. Well, this is what happens if you're in love. Even if that person hurts you, you will still love him/her..

"You were hurt when 'he' did something bad. You know how painful it feels rite? Now you did it to me.."

I can't wake up without you on my mind.. It just feels wrong.. Too dramatic i am..
Did i make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?
Should have known you would bring my heartache...

You've hurt me uncountable times yet i'm being so stubborn to actually fall for you. It's not that i wanted this to happen. It just so happens.. Like all my other crushes that i've had. I didn't choose this. It just so happens... I really do wanna spend more time with you. Even if it means you drunk and asleep on my lap like before. That was the day when i actually realize that i'm falling for you. And i bet you don't even remember that day...

Running away from all the problems.

2009-10-26T23:44:00.002+08:00

And the day came again. When he actually told me he loves someone else.. Again.

I shouldn't have.

I..

I'm speechless..

I saw this coming. Should have followed my instincts.. But all i could do was tried to comfort him. Even tho it hurts hearing it.. I don't know why. Why can't i just tell him.?

I'm afraid... Afraid to lose him..

And i thought i could just lose those feelings for him that easily..

How stupid of me to think that maybe.. it could work out..

Now, i just feel like running. Running away from all the problems.. Disappear it is..

I'm afraid.. I'm falling deeper for u..

2009-10-22T11:22:00.002+08:00

So yeah. The picture above is GUESS SOUL LINA.! haha. mepek.

2day's my birthday. Like yay.! -__-
20years celebrating... This year i want it to be simple. Lazy laa..

Bla bla blaaa....

I'm encountering another "heart ache" problem.. Again and again.. Yes.. Andreas, the always "heart ache" boy.

Well, this guy... This guy.. Argghh.. how do i start.. hmm.. I've been having this tiny tiny crushes for him.. And then we kinda had LUST.. Not the full lust.. ermmm.. if u get wat i mean.. And from a couple times of lust, it slowly turns to love. Yeah.. And right now, i think i love him. Pweeetttyy much tat..

Been spending quite alot of time with him recently.. It was nice.. But abit boring.. I can sense there's awkward moments. And moments when he doesn't talk much.. Like why.??? I DON'T KILL.! Hahaha. But anws, he has already hurt me a couple of times which i'm sure he doesn't even know that.. WHY ARE U JUST SOOO HEARTLESS.?? Nak ckp heartless kadang2 ade heart jugak... Do you like really treat me as someone that will be there just to pleasure u when there's no one else.?

I don't know. Is it his fault or maybe it's just him.. Maybe he thinks that i just wanted ........

I can't do this anymore. I can't keep on having this feel for you when you don't have a single feel for me. I don't know what to do.. Coz i'm really afraid to fall deeper for you. I might get hurt even more.. I really wish to love you.. But i think you wouldn't want that anws.

And this morning.. When i woke up, i saw something, something which really hurt me.. I really did not wish to see that.. And i thought you've changed.. I really did..

Butttt...... I can't blame him.. It's cool.. I just have to get over him i guess..

I guess me finding for someone i love n that someone who loves me back will not happen for me.. I'll just have to accept those who loves me even tho i don't have feelings for them.? HAHA.! I made it sound so bad... I might never know yaa.. Maybe if i give them the chance, i might never know. Maybe i might love them back when the time comes.? Maybe...

Alrite.! Birthday boy wanna sleep now..! So tireddd walking to tat 7-11 just now.... -__-

Party animal.!!!

2009-10-11T18:50:00.002+08:00

I HAD SOOO MUCH FUN & PARTY FOR THE PAST 2 DAYS STR8.!!

WOOOHHHOOOO..!!

Hahaha..

Okay. I'm kinda tired of it now.. And im still not in a good state..

Friday night had party at Changi Chalet.. Wow.! It was one of the most havoc party i've been to.. Drinks everywhere.. Music was freaking loud and nice.. People smoking everywhere.. Vomits everywhere *yucks.!*.. Blood stains everywhere.. *Not everywhere la..* Drank like hell.. Not alot laa.. But enuf to make me go tipsy.. Then left the scene early to meet ???... :DDDDD

i love every single moment...

AND YESTERDAY NITE.!! Went supperclub..!!! PARTTYYY.!! Bought bottles and all... Then i couldn't remember much after that... hahahah.. and embarrassing moments... gosh.! stupid me..

Okay.! Enuf party-ing for me.. i guess... for noww.... hehehehehhe :S

i'm sorry if i was a pain in the ass yesterday...

Im backk.....!!

2009-10-06T21:03:00.006+08:00

Sooo.!!! I left the blogging scene for a looooonnnng time.. And i couldn't get internet for the past i dnt knw how many weeks. So yeah. I'm back now.. 3 events happened while i was gone. There were Genting, Suntec Finals and HARI RAYA.!!!

Well, It was fun. Things went so so. Everything was fine. There were ups n downs. Bla bla blaaa.. Then came back to SINGAPORE.!!! Which i've missed sooo much.!! But apparently, had to start prac immediately for Suntec Finals. Awwww.. :(

Prac was abit too stresss-ing.. And everyone being angry at each other and so on. Not everyone laa.. Had a fight. Shall not elaborate more on that. But whatever it is, I wanna forget that fight. If you don't then it shall be. :D Then the finals came.. AND.!! IT FALLS ON THE 1ST DAY OF RAYA.!! YA.! So i went to only like 3 houses on that day and mummy sent me to Suntec straight in my Baju Kurong still.. Hahaha.. The performance was so so.. We tried our best but it wasn't our best item. We didn't had much time to do/practice the item due to Hari Raya preparations and so on...

After the whole suntec dance had ended, we headed over to a hotel room to overnight.. All of us and we had DRAG RACE.!! Hahahahah... Funny, Fun, Stupid, but fun. Okay laa.. hahah...

The next few days had Hari Raya outings with family & friends. And i'm not feeling it this year.. I rarely go out.. But i did get to go out on raya with MUSH.!! It was fun.! After a long time not meeting them and always stuck with dance pracs, going out on raya with them was EXCELLENT.! Plenty of laughs and COLLECTIONS.!! AND FOOOOODDD.!! Hahahaha.. I missed it already. :(

The past few days was well spent with the MUSHES and them overnight-ing my place. I gotta spend more time with them b4 i'm back to being bz with dance.. :(

I miss some of you guys out there also. Limited KX's is one of them.. But now, I believed i've changed. People do change. I won't deny that. But i've changed to be alone most of the time.. Or with people i've not been close with for a long time like the MUSHES.. Or maybe with someone that i like. Come on.. I'm sure everyone wanna spend a little time at least with someone u like.. ;) But one thing for sure is that, Limited KX's is still alive yarrr.!!

Something tells me that it's going away.. The way you treat me obviously shows that i'm not in ur "list". Just for sex maybe.? Wahhlaooo.. But i like u....

Basically, my mom got robbed.

2009-09-10T04:22:00.002+08:00

So yeahh.. She got robbed in JB. She's on the front page of Berita Harian btw(IM FAMOUS.! yaa. -__-). She got robbed by such a heartless guy. It's coming to Raya for goodness sake.! Arrrgghh.!!! And i just got to know that she lost more than 2K.!!!! It may not be alot to some ppl but to me, IT IS.! OMG.! I could have bought lots of shoes and bags with that amount.!! ARRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH..!!!!

Now i'm having 2nd thoughts to leave my mom for Genting in about 2 hours time. Arggh.! I hate this. I really do.

Then i have Suntec Finals up ahead. I really don't know about this.

The emotions.

2009-09-08T01:54:00.002+08:00

I hate staying home. I hate going to work. I hate waking up to another bad day. I hate EVERYTHING.! And so.. We got to the finals for Suntec Dance. I'm supposed to feel excited right.? Arrgghh.. Idk laa..

Actually i kinda love my home. But having that step father who always talk behind my back is making me hate home.

I hate to work.. But i have to.. To pay my bills which is sooooooo freaking high.!!! arggghh..!! Btw, after today, don't contact me at my normal number. For the time being.. Will still be using that number. I'll msg u my new number if u're important to me laa. hahaha.. But i still haven't bought the number yet.. Maybe later..

I hate waking up to another bad day. Yes i do. Waking up alone.. Turned around and i'm still alone.
I miss that. I miss just sleeping bside u.

And Suntec Dance we got thru to finals. Yay. -__-

Suntec Dance 2009.

2009-08-31T07:14:00.002+08:00

Enough of my stupid love life yaa.? Anws, We made to the Semi's for Suntec Dance 2009.! Yay.!!! The Semi's will be on this 5th September, Saturday, 1pm @ Suntec Galleria. Same place as the previous rounds. :D Do come aite.?

The video for Suntec Dance is up on youtube. Just simply type "Fantastic Remix Suntec Dance 2009 Heats". :)))

Now i'm left with DCOH's item to settle. Suntec's item is quite done. Just putting them to together is what's left. DCOH will be held @ Genting on 11th September. Scary laa.!! Not done with the item.!!! ARRRGGGGGGHHHH.!! MADNESS.!! Tat's all for now.

"I didn't plan to fall for you. It just so happens."

Think Negative.!!!!!!!

2009-08-25T03:59:00.001+08:00

I'm upset. Yes i am. Ape la andreas. Always sad. Hahaha.

The feelings. It just doesn't want to go away. Why.? I don't know. It always happens.

Shit happens. Always.

Always.
Always.
Alwaysssssss...!!

The question right now i have for you is, "Are going back to him?" That's what i need to know. It seems like it is. Do you think i should back off.?

We did it again recently at my place. As much as i wanna just think of it as a fling, i can't.!! arrrghh.!! PS: I dont "sleep" around alot anymore. You're the only one. From this Feb onwards. I've given up on flings. But not you.

I wanna think that you're bad. I'm trying my best to think negative of you but i can't. I just can't.

What are you looking for.? I need to know. I want to match up to those needs. I wish i can. I really do.
.
.
.
And now i'm wondering. Are you home yet.? Or is he still with you.? I CAN'T STOP THINKING.!!!!!!
.
.
.
I LIKE YOU LAA.!! YES YOU.!

All about you.

2009-08-20T02:46:00.000+08:00

Those voices in my head.. 2 diff point of views. The before view and the after. I just feel like taking it all out.

Before View(1)
After View(2)

1. My the number 1 guy in the "list" that i should never be close with.
2. I just wanna be close with you everyday and night.

1. He's a freaking playboy.
2. Maybe i can change him. It may take time.

1. He's not your type.
2. Type doesn't matter to me now. If i so happened to like you then it will be. :(

1. He's NOT HOT.
2. He's CUTE.

1. I'll never do anything with him.
2. I did.

1. Why is everyone crazy over him.?
2. I'm crazy over you.

1. I dislike you.
2. I like you.

There's more actually. You know the feeling when you just have alot of things to say but when you're facing the computer screen and typing, it just leaks away.

This feeling s*cks.! It's worst than worst. I never felt this way. Maybe coz i never went thru this kind of road before. This is different. I want this to happen. Will it? I'm not gonna care what people would say. As long as i'm with you.

There's a reason for my piercing. I just felt so feelingless inside after hearing that. I was so down that i did something i would never do. Yes i've always wanted the piercing on my eyebrown since i was 15 but i'm freaking afraid of sharp objects piercing thru.

As my days goes by, i'm starting to overcome more and more of my fears. Which kinda makes me wonder. Am i getting more heartless to not really have fears?

It's sick.!

2009-08-18T00:38:00.002+08:00

So yeah. I soo hate it. Just when i thought... Just when i thought.. Justtt......

Argghh.! You went back to him.

The feelings. It was growing more for you.. Now again i gotta back off.

No wonder you didn't reply. You're with him.

I'm speechless.

But my feelings tells me that i might be waiting for you.

Never Ever.

2009-08-11T20:07:00.004+08:00

Im falling for you again. The 3rd time falling for you. The 1st 2 times i backed off coz you weren't single. Attached with my friend. So i had to force myself to not like you. Then this time round, i thought u were single. But i got just enough proof to know that you and another are already in the process. I thought you weren't contacting anyone. That was why i did "that". I may seem like those typical cheap person but i'm not. I'll only do "that" with the person i have feelings for. I will not just do "that" with anyone. I wanted to commit. But for what now.? There's nothing to commit to. Arrgghh. The past few days with you was happiness for me. Just being next to you puts a smile on my face. Until yesterday.. Yup. And i have a feeling tonite is going to be worst than yesterday. I wouldn't actually show that im upset or so-called 'jealous' but i really couldn't take it anymore. I think i'm just going to be there to get my things and maybe stay for a while then off i go home. Give you time with ........ And FYI, this ain't the 1st time i'm blogging bout you.

"Never Ever"
(feat. Young Jeezy)

[Talking: Ciara]
Yea
Listen
If he don’t love you by now
He ain’t gon never love you
Let’s Go

[Hook: Pow La Don]
Throw yo' hands up in the air
If ya know he love ya
Tell the DJ play this song right here
If ya know he love ya
Let, let, let, let me see you 2-step
If ya know he love ya
It don't matter if you by yourself
If ya know he love ya

[Chorus: Ciara]
If that boy don't love you by now
He will never ever, never ever love you
He will never ever, never ever love you
If that boy don't love you by now
He will never ever, never ever love you
He will never ever, never ever love you

[Verse 1:]
I know you think that I just be trippin' on ya
Boy you see, this ain't how I normally be
But I can't help this jealousy
Ooh it's taking over me, ooh I'm falling way to deep
Without you by my side I feel like I can't eat or sleep

[Pre-Chorus:]
But I, got to come down to earth, I don't wanna
But I, gotta let you go, but baby I don’t wanna
And I, I gotta see, that you and me, ain't meant to be
That's why I tell myself

[Chorus:]
If that boy don't love you by now
He will never ever, never ever love you
He will never ever, never ever love you
If that boy don't love you by now
He will never ever, never ever love you
He will never ever, never ever love you

[Verse 2:]
Baby, I can't help but fantasize
Wondering what it might be like
You and I sound so right
But I'ma let it go tonight,
Ain't nothin' coverin' my eyes
Ain't gonna see it more than twice
I get it, I got it
Baby, baby

[Pre-Chorus:]
But I, got to come down to earth, I don't wanna
But I, gotta let you go, but baby I don’t wanna
And I, I gotta see, that you and me, ain't meant to be
That's why I tell myself

[Chorus:]
If that boy don't love you by now
He will never ever, never ever love you
He will never ever, never ever love you
If that boy don't love you by now
He will never ever, never ever love you
He will never ever, never ever love you

[Verse 3: Young Jeezy]
Alright, alright, alright, okay...
I see ya point, I must admit
I grind, I grind, I grind all day
This paper's what I'm tryna get
Now normally when I'm paper chasing, I be having tunnel vision
And if it's really like that lady, just turn on ya television
And there go Young, I said there go Young, you tryna get it did
Just know I gets it done, she love the I cheat
She love the way I move, I sha,
I show up to her shows ‘bout a 100 goons
Its blacks this, black that, black car, black flags
I really hope that's money that ya'll got off in them black bags
808's & heartbreaks, states who puts in interstates
Giving me a bad vibe, guess I'm just a bad guy

[Hook: Ciara (Young Jeezy)]
Throw yo' hands up in the air
(If ya know he love ya)
Tell the DJ play this song right here
(If ya know he love ya)
Let, let, let, let me see you 2-step
(If ya know he love ya)
It don't matter if you by yourself
(If ya know he love ya)

[Ciara:]
If ya know he love ya
Let me see you 2-step
If ya know he love ya
Don't matter if you by yourself
If ya know he love ya
Throw yo' hands up in the air
DJ play this song right here

Then the other you. I like you but you show little interest in me. It's like.. I dunno laa. I guess im just a rejected item. Always rejected by the ones that i have feelings for.

K now, gtg. Be back later. Maybe....
My parents are fighting again.!!!! SO NOISY.!! And that step father put the blame on me.! Everything me.! That's y i hate gg home.!!!

I gave n i gave.

2009-08-05T00:50:00.001+08:00

The one problem with me is, i like to fall for the wrong ppl. This time, i'm going to be extra prepared. I dont want to be hurt. gosh.! Must i be the one to go thru this always.?? Why can't i be like my friends..? Have stable relationships n all.. Am i ugly like f**k.? Hmmm.. It makes me wonder.. wth laa.

I'm kinda falling for someone. It's scary. Im afraid to do this again.. All i'll get is just pain in the ass.!! I've been trying to commit to you. I can't commit so much coz we're not in that position to commit all the way yet(Hard to explain this sentence). But u just seem like u dont want me arnd n so. Sometimes u entertain me but sometimes u dont.. And sometimes, it feels like u want me to back off. So i'm very lost. I need to know if u want me around or not. I really dunno what to do. For the mean time, maybe i'll back off. If u feel like contacting me then i'll always be waiting for ur msg.. :(

Rejection.?

2009-08-04T01:18:00.002+08:00

Okay. So we won the competition at DXO last friday. Blaa blaa blaa.. Went to Fie's Surprise Chalet.. Happy Birthday Fie.! n Bla bla blaaa.. Im not in the mood for explaining whatever happened.

Im over you. i guess.. ???

Then..
Im starting to like you. But im afraid it would be like all my other crushes. I don't know what to do. Im afraid to make the 1st move. Im afraid. Im afraid of rejection. Gosh.!! So if u like me, tell me aite.? So i can commit to you. :D

..

2009-07-28T00:07:00.002+08:00

Was i in the wrong.? I don't think so. What do you know.? Wait till u really know the truth then u know. And PS, I wouldn't want to tell you the truth coz it might hurt.. And Ya.. I didn't lie anyways. Just that i left out a few details.. :D

I hate to take my medications. They only make me feel more restless n pain everywhere.. I hate it.!

TOO MUCH PROBLEMS.!!!!

2009-07-25T02:02:00.001+08:00

U know. I really cant handle all these problems coming.. One after another..!! It just never stops... I'm just gonna cool down n just wait..

Im very very disappointed and sad with what i saw today. Am i gonna give in again.? And again.? And too many thinking for me.. I have to make the choices. I have to think which to choose. I have to think if this is gonna hurt this person or not. I have to think... Think think think.! F*ck thinking.! I've had enuf la.!

A lil update..

2009-07-22T01:11:00.002+08:00

Been tired.
Been bz.
Been sick.
Been sad.

So yeah. Late update.
Anws, I've had my recent breakdown. Well, i wasn't a good one. Lead me to depression for quite a few days. Actually.. Till now too. I prefer to be alone most of the time. Even if im with my frens, i prefer not to really talk. Well, tat's me. The breakdown shall not be spoken about anymore. GOSH.!

Been busy with lots of things. I'm soooo tired.
And sometimes, when ur frens asked you to make a very tough decision, ur mind tends to go alittle haywire due to all the little little stresses that is already in ur mind combined together. It just explodes. I think i'm talking nonsense. Wth. Wat do i care.

And anws, i've just sort of recovered. Been freaking sick since Sunday. And it's was so sickening. Goshh.!! I hate falling sick.!! I didn't even eat or smoked for 2 days.. I only drank orange juice then went back to sleep. The weird thing is, i didn't even felt hungry.. Weird huh.. To be safe, I've just visited the doctor just now b4 prac to check if i'm.... u know... H1N1 positive.. And luckily, i'm not.!! Heheehe.! :D But gosh.!! Im still soo weak.!! I hope im okay by this friday.!! Gosh.!!

Attn: This Saturday, 25th july, At Youth Park 6pm there's a dance competition. Da Sho Case 8. Do come and support if you're free aite.!! :D

Till then...

Im backk..!! again..

2009-07-05T05:46:00.000+08:00

Jyeahh.! We got 2nd for Jim Beam Dbl O Hip Hop Dance Competition 09.! Just when i thought everything is gg down, it went up back just one night before the competition. It was a very last min thing for us. Goshh.! I hate doing last min things already. Tiring like hellll..... The 1st place goes to Epic Crew. They were good. Congratz to them.! :D

Preparing for the finals was hard. We only started practise like on Wednesday. We only had like 2 days to prepare for the finals.. But i think it went quite well.. Not our best but we tried. :)

The finals was supposed to be a happy day for me as we got 2nd but it turned out bad.

You disappoint me.
Just when i thought u're the one who could make me leave my previous feelings for "him". Finding for someone who gives me that special "feel" like you do is freaking hard. I thought i found u. I thought u were gonna make me happy. I thought. And i was wrong. I was crushed over again..

Im back..!!

2009-06-25T04:59:00.004+08:00

I had so much fun & stresssful moments the past few days.. Basically, had Jim Beam 09 @ Dbl O last Friday. Well, stressful like hell as we only had a few days to rehearse the item. Hakim & Renni last min couldn't do it as they have important things to do. Which we can't blame them for. :) We couldn't have much practise as most of us couldn't make it on some days.. We finished the whole item n costumes just a day before the competition. Arrgghh... Nvm, we tried our best yarrr.!!! :D The results is this friday.. Scary likeee heellll....

Then last monday was Susi's & Syam's B'day.. So yeah... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO BOTH OF U YAAA..!!! So went to Susi's Chalet on 21st n overnight there till 23rd. Fun like hell ehhh.. Actually not that fun ahhh.. But i miss overnight-ing with them.. So yeahhh..!! Hahahahha... :D

What was i thinking man.
Im lost. Very lost.
What am i to become?
I want to find love but finding for love is killing me.
Why wouldn't u just love me?
And did i just did that? To that other guy?
OH MY.!

I'M HOME.!!! Like finally....

2009-06-07T08:36:00.004+08:00

So i'm very2 tired now. Am just gonna unprivate my blog. And upload pics. Then that's it. :P Will update more when i'm free.!!!!!

I really love you. :'(

2009-05-30T03:00:00.000+08:00

I really do. All i can think is you. And when i look away, i think of you again. I can spend at least 30mins just sitting staring in blank space and thinking of you. Arggh.! Life sucks.! Why am i in love with this person.? When am i going to get over this person.?

The 1st time i fell for you was weird actually. I was halfway drunk and you were i think drunk or high.?? You came slightly later. It was random. I laid on your lap and that was when my heart starting beating faster and faster. I definitely didn't fall for your looks back then. Idk what i fell for but i do know that i fell for you. That was the day that someone tried to kill himself by jumping down the 2nd storey place. That person was obviously drunk. Wanna kill yourself by jumping down from the 2nd floor.? Wahh.. That helps.

Then i thought it was just a slight crush or something. But i knew. After some time, it didn't go away. The feeling stays. And i already knew that you would never fall for me. That was when i tried falling for someone else. Which i did. Then after some time, i realised, i do still like you. After the whole 2 years, i still liked you. You must be something huh.

Then, those moments came. Things that you did for me, which means alot to me but meant nothing to you. It was moments that i always cherish and think about over and over. Those were the times that i was really happy and you weren't contacting anybody.(I guess.?)

And after all this time, you falling for all the different people. From Shahrul, then Pul, then Dydy, then now Hakim.. I don't know why i still like you.*sob sob* Now you're really happy with Hakim. Jealous i am. Hmph.!

So yeahh.. Was really happy. I got to sit beside you and watch u sleep. Really close. Then woke u up and we headed home. I wish everyday to be like that.

Now, that kening boy, Zairi is trying to flirt with you..! Like OMG laa.!! Bleh nampak siaa..!! Da laa flirt dgn bynk jantan.. Then ade hati.!! Arrrggghh..!! I just hope you wouldn't fall for him.. But if u do then i can't stop you. 2day u were soo sweet.. i don't remember what you did but i feel like i'm falling for you over again..

I don't know why, but everyday that i spent with you made me feel like it's always a whole new love starting over again. I never felt it going away. The only time i felt like it's going away is when i forced myself not to see you for a very long time. But i had to always either bump into you or had to meet up with you due to dance prac. But yeahhh.. Love is always unfair. Not to everyone maybe.? But to me, it has always been unfair. I love you R_____ B__ O_____.!!!!! I really do but you really don't love me a tiny bit and i can do nothing to force you to love me. You gave me too many pain by ur always heartless move. And i'm putting an end to this 'thing'. 9 months of waiting, not really waiting but hoping. Guess that hope is not happening. If u happen to read this (which i think u might), don't think of anything bad alrite. It's just what i feel.

I don't feel like moving on but if it's going to be like this, i really can't take it anymore.

Untitled.

2009-05-25T12:58:00.002+08:00

I've came to realise that things usually happens for a reason. For good or for bad. For me, things always go the bad way. Rarely goes the right way. Anyways, my step dad is fighting with mummy and he left house yesterday together with he's beloved son. There were screams and throwing of things in the house yesterday. Kecoh indeed. All i did was try not to 'explode'. The step dad kept on emphasising what bad kids my sis and I are.. Like OMG kn.??! Argh.! And what's more childish is that he scolded my mom bcoz we went out as just the 3 of us(Mom, Sis, & Me) and didn't asked him to tag along. I mean like, it's for us to spend time together. It's not that we spend time alot. Arggh.! Forget it.

I gave up on ur heartless roller coaster.

The other you, i don't know what you trying to do you know. ????? You like me? No? Then you want me? But somehow i think i might like u.? Oops!

Updated.!

2009-05-20T14:27:00.002+08:00

Watched Angels & Demons on Saturday. Well, I was actually expecting there to be real angels n demons. Like the bomb will explode then creating angles n demons in the country but... I was wrong.! hahaha. I didn't even watch the trailer. That's y i knew nothing bout it.! hahaha. But anyways, the story line is quite interesting laa..

Been having quite some time off from dance. There's not too many dance comps this time so it's more relaxing for me. :) The upcoming dance comp that i'm joining is BREATHE as Limited KX's, 30th May @ Plaza Singapura, 2pm. Be there aite.! :) :)

After all this time, i'm still not over .... Then the other guy came ... And another guy came ... But no matter who ever came, couldn't get over .... Stupid you.!

Random Pictures.

2009-05-10T05:31:00.002+08:00

Getting older..

2009-05-07T00:31:00.002+08:00

So hey people. I'm turning 20 this year.!! OLD RITE..!! Argghhh..! Anyways, the only reason i'm saying this is bcoz i'm realising that i'm not into lepak-ing anymore.. All i think of is going home.. Other than "the other person". While i see all the other younger people who wants to lepak more n go home later.. That used to be me.. Arggghh i'm old.. So yeah.. I realised that i'm getting tired of it.. Maybe for awhile i guess.. So yeah.. Plss plss plss don't say that i'm avoiding any of u.. It's not that.. Just that i'm getting "jelak" of it for awhile...

I don't know if any of u understands this post.. hahahah.. chaos.!

Boring life.

2009-05-04T23:12:00.002+08:00

Yay.! Sims 3 is coming out.!! Wooohooo..! I can't wait to get it.!! but that is only after i've increased my virtual memory space..! ARrrghh.!

So, my daily routines for the past few days is:

1-Wake up.
2-Play game or go school or go practice.
3-Play a different game or come back from school n play game or go practice.
4-Play a different game or come home from practice and play game.
5-Go to sleep.
This doesn't include my bathing n eating times laa..

That's my life for past few weeks. Hmm.. Fun ehh.. Ya rite.! Anws, I did went out drinking with ayeen mael fi syahril n fawrah. Kinda fun tho. Oh oh.!! And i watch Anugerah. Okok laaa.. Wat else ehhh...

Ohh. I'm in trauma. Don't know what to do.! It's hard to say. You're giving me it again. :S

Pathetic.

2009-05-01T02:17:00.003+08:00

I have this friend. This friend kind of hates me alot. This friend is childish. This friend hates me only bcoz i do not come to school always. Pathetic.? Duhhhh... This friend talks bad about me when i'm not in school. This friend is very pathetic.! This friend is a nerdo who thinks that SHE's smart and everyone likes her. The sad thing is, no one does. Awww.. I still call you 'friend' bcoz i'm not as childish as u are to "i don't friend you"..

Well.. Today i've fetch 2 people from work.! Wow.! Hahaha.. 1st was Wan from bugis. That one tiring.. Must walk then take bus some more.. Waaahhhhhh..!! The 2nd was Naz. My Sis's current room-mate.? hmm.. Took her from the Singapore Flyer via car.. So less tiring ahh.. Then now, just reached home from the Singapore Flyer.. Bla bla blaaa.. Boring boring boring.. Nitez.!

hmmmm...

2009-04-27T23:21:00.000+08:00

ok.. bla bla bla.. dunno what to update.. so.... hi everyone.!! K i gtg.! Nothing to say...

Don’t stop halfway.

2009-04-23T00:18:00.001+08:00

I’m sooo freaking close to being away. So damn close. Could almost feel the victory. Then you did that. Argggh.

I should just think the negative points.! Don’t fall back.

Alone. Lonely.

2009-04-20T00:04:00.002+08:00

These past few weeks. I've been spending most of my time not really talking to anyone. Just by myself. Seriously. You can actually see me walking on my own. Which i don't really do. I may sometimes seemed like i'm happy, laughing here and there when actually, deep down, i wanna be alone. I was pretending. Just because i don't want anyone to know this. But one of my friends have already told me about this major change in me through msn. Now that you've read this, i hope you understand. Give me a few weeks alone and i'll be back to normal. I hope so. :S Some how, i feel no need for anyone. I just wanted to be alone. Yes. I wanna be like those lame-o kids in college with no friends and eating in the toilet alone. Hmm.. Does that even exist in real life.?

I finally have my rest. Not joining any competitions for now. Just doing minor shows. But i really can't wait for the showcase in Esplanade.!! For the 1st time, i think i should concentrate on my studies. :D

And you, somehow, i finally think less of you. Maybe bcoz i kept hearing stuffs bout you from some reliable source. Anws, it's starting to be neutral. Fading away like finally.............. Goshh.!

Then to the other you, I honestly do not like the new you. Soo.... NOISY. But i realised that it makes you happy. You're happy being b*thcy with your friends.

I'm not in love anymore. Which gives me no reason to wake up everyday and be happy.

Pics & Video. (Groove In The West)

2009-04-17T00:59:00.002+08:00

There's Ups & Downs.

2009-04-13T00:52:00.002+08:00

Had a blast last week. Welll, one of the most tiring weeks of my life.!! But finally.! Every thing's done.! Danceworks is done.! Yuhua comp is done. & Groove In The West is also done.! Now left with ITE Bishan Dance Comp.

Groove In The West, we didn't achieved any top placing but going to the Semi's is good enough. Didn't made it to the finals together with Game Over(Wawan, Tapa, Gino, Elly & Vega) & SICK. But i know that we all did put up our best. I am personally proud for Limited Edition as we only had a total of 2 practices to complete an item. And it's not that we choose it. And lucky enough i could think of an item to show. And it's all over. The clashed practices for Danceworks finals and Groove In The West. It was fun but tiring also.!!

And the day before the Semi's, I went drinking with Surfers at Sam's house. Which i really shouldn't have. Coz it really affected the item. I couldn't even see properly on stage. But it's my mistake to go on stage with a hangover so i shall not blame it on anyone else but me.!! Lesson to learn is, don't drink alot and get only 3 hrs of sleep before a competition.!

Pics & Videos will be uploaded soon.! :)

Those were the moments. Only moments that i could cherish. The imperfections that i fell for. They were all there.

Danceworks Finals 2009.

2009-04-06T13:29:00.002+08:00

So yeah.. Tat's our video for Danceworks Finals 2009.! We managed to obtain 1st.!! Wooohooo.!! But it was one of the most tiring dance competition that i've competed in. We completed the item only hours before the competition. Had overnight practice at YP then reached home at arnd 4+am coming 5am. Then must wake up at 6.30am so mcm no point kn tdo.?! So yeah, i didn't even got to switch off my brain. Reported @ Berlini Grande at 9am. Then slack here and there. Had interviews and ate alot. Then bla bla blaaa... Time for our performance.. The LIGHTING WAS KILLING ME.!! Especially for the 1st song.!!! I really couldn't see much i tell you.!! Blaa blaaa blaaaaaaaa....

Now i'm left with Groove In The West which is this Saturday.!! 2pm at West Coast Plaza which is in Clementi. Then take shutter bus. Do come aite my dear friends.. :D

Dance = Love.

2009-04-03T02:23:00.002+08:00

Danceworks is this Saturday. Nervous.? Like hell yeah.. Only have like 4-5 practices in total. Never had a full attendance practice.! Argghh.! Might be having a full practice 2moro. I guess.. One of the dancers got confinement and couldn't leave camp this Saturday. And we only have one day to redo everything if he really can't leave camp.! Arrggghh.!! @#!!^%&$

Groove In The West. Well, making it to the Semi's is like.. WOW.!! Really made me smile from ear to ear.! The competition is really tough and i'm really surprised.! But ok. We did our best. And for the Semi's, i'm afraid. I wanna put up a good show. Hopefully i can think of nice things to put in. But what i'm afraid most is that one of the dancers is in NS.. Arrgghh..!! Only have friday to practice.! Maybe this Saturday also.? After Danceworks perhaps.? The Semi's is like NEXT WEEK.!!!!!!!!

I'm still stuck with you. Not you but you. You still give me the ...... To the other you, I'm lost. I really don't understand what you're trying to do. I want someone to take me to that other world. Anybody?? haha.

Updates on dance.

2009-03-29T21:31:00.002+08:00

The events that i really stressed myself out.!!!

-Danceworks'09 Prelims. (Made it to Finals!)
-Groove In The West Heats. (Made it to Semi's!)
-Yuhua CC, Urban Floormix'09. (Got 2nd!)

The upcoming stressing moments.

-Danceworks'09 Finals. 4th April(This Saturday)
-Groove In The West Semi's. 11th April.
-ITE Bishan dance competition. 14th April.

The previous 3 competitions always clashes.!! I mean practices. You know how many days we took to complete the routine for Yuhua CC n Groove In The West.? 3HRS.!! We had to wait till one of our members got out from CAMP then we can practice.! And he comes out only on FRIDAY night which was like only a few hours away from the actual dance competition.! Yes i was freaking stressed out.! But phew~~~ We made it for both competitions. I was quite happy tho. :)

Now i have to think. How are we going to practice for our Danceworks Finals n Groove In The West Semi's.? 70 percent of the dancers are NS boys and can only practice on FRIDAY.!!! ARGGHH..!! I'm dead.!! SO DEAD.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stupidity.

2009-03-26T05:30:00.003+08:00

Stupid F**KING STEP FATHER.!! It's always because of you mom is always angry at us. ESP ME.!! WTH laa.!!

You know, some says waiting for the one that you want to be with is worth it. No matter how long it takes. Even a particular book says so.! Well, that's me. Waiting and waiting and... waiting. But it's all just wasting of time waiting. It'll be like waiting for a raindrop in a drought. Yes. This is not how i imagine my life to be like. I don't wish to be alone. I want someone to hug, someone who can talk to me all the time, someone who can take care of me when I'm sick, someone who will cheer me up during my lowest point like for example yesterday and someone who will love me back. All this while, covering my saddest side, pretending that I'm always happy, is not helping me deep down.

Falling for a close friend is definitely not a very good thing and yes i know that it'll never happen to me. I've always put hope on it. Even though deep down i know the truth. Stubborn i am. But, after knowing something, something ....

The story ends here for now.

Dancers & Dance.

2009-03-24T00:08:00.005+08:00

1stly to all the dancers out there. Those who claims that you mix for us. FYI, i know who are some of those ppl who claims that. I'm the only person who mixes for the group.! If it's Limited KX's then it's usually more to Mael. So yeah. EVERYONE, those who have my mixes in your HP or MP3, just better hope i don't find out about it. 2ndly, those who think i'm very 'SOMBONG' or ACTION. Well, I don't mind whatever you think. Coz i am the type of person who doesn't really talk to people i don't know. If u feel like talking to me then do approach me. Don't worry, I don't eat. I'll talk to you back. And if you do not talk to me, how are you going to know if i'm nice or not. ;) So yeah..

Then, about the group. MANY MANY problems again. Not enough dancers. One just backed out last week. Then found a replacement and the replacement backed out yesterday. So now, IN FREAKING DILEMMA.! Yesterday, the only thing that was on my mind yesterday is, SHOULD WE JUST BACK OUT.? If you guys realised. I do not give up that easily. No matter what. I always find a way to go to those competitions with an item. Even though if it's ugly. So what.! At least i'm doing it on my own. Hmmph.! Anws, So yeah back to the competition. IT'S THIS SATURDAY.!!! AND I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO DO PRACTICE ONLY ON FRIDAY AS ONE OF THE DANCER IS IN CAMP AND CAN ONLY BOOK OUT ON FRIDAY.! FREAKING STRESS? YES.! But what can i do.? Haizzz... And the worst thing is, only ONE DAY b4 the competition to change the whole positioning and even some steps.!!!! ARRRGGGGHH.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Ones.

2009-03-17T06:03:00.004+08:00

Apparently, I still am not over you. I thought i was and when i knew that i'm not, i didn't wanted to accept the fact that i'm still into you. Acted foolish. Hoping by doing that it'll go away. Well, time will tell. P.S I'm still not over you.

When I'm already away from you, not much feelings for you, you came back. It was hard getting over you and I don't wish to fall for you again. Unless it's you who wants me. (which is a i think NOT kinda case) You came back during my lowest point of life. And somehow made me relax and happy. I sense this turning to a better friendship. It's like a very very mature thing going on. (with the immature moments also) I don't know how else to explain with this guy. Is this gonna be another rebound.? Or is it just me.? I don't know.

You have a different personality from the other 2. You're very matured. I don't know you that much. I do kinda have that slight crush for you but something is really pulling me back. And I'm not ready to get hurt again. I'm afraid if you would hurt me. Or i would hurt myself liking you.

You're young. Way young. Cute la and for me, age doesn't really matter. But you came in the picture in the wrong timing. As you can see. I'm already thinking about 3 people. You're very sweet. But you have your negative sides also. I don't wish to state it here. It's not that i hate you, but I'm liking someone else. But maybe it might work out.? Idk. :)

The question now is "who do i like?"

The answer would always be "someone who is just not that into me."

Feeling.?

2009-03-17T00:17:00.003+08:00

So hmm.. Been having too many things going on now.. Having 4 upcoming competitions.. And clashes.. So yeah.. Head gonna explode? Yup.!! But ok. Am trying to manage my time well.. And gosh.! Have to prepare for Momentum. Very tiring you know.. #%&*$#@!
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Thinking.. What am i doing.? Yes i do still like you but i don't wish to. Because i know the outcome. I'm not talking about 5678 but 321.. You think i'm over you.? Well, not yet. :(
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Then there's another complicated one that is back. I don't wish to go deeper for this one.. Basically, who do i like now.? I think it's no one. Heart turning back to stone.

Danceworks 2009..

2009-03-09T11:33:00.003+08:00

After all the overnight practices we had for danceworks and the last min overnight practice on the day before danceworks itself is all paid off.. We made it to the finals.!! Yay.!! It was tough but phew~~~ Hopefully for the finals it won't be as last min as the prelims..

Now, i have to prepare a few things and i don't think i can cope with everything.. There's too many items to prepare and too little time.!!! Arrgghh..! Anws, I'm having my exams later in 3 hours time.!! arggghh..!!!!!!! Kk.. Just a quick update.

So, I think i'm FINALLY over you. I think.. I hope i am over you coz falling for you doesn't make me any happier. Wat makes me happy is entertaining those who likes me even though i don't like them.
It's finally drifting away..
And to those who kept on asking who i'm liking now, the answer is "I DON'T KNOW MYSELF.!"

hmm..

2009-03-04T00:13:00.003+08:00

To my nemesis: The picture above is for you. :) See, i'm smiling.

1stly, thanx to Ayeen for that beautiful PUMA bag.!! As a BILATED birthday present.!! hahaha.. 22nd October tau my birthday.. Bilated giler ni.. Then we had pit at Pasir Ris to celebrate Mael's n Ilie's birthday.. I tell you. I was f*cking tired shit.! Had that practice for Danceworks then had that ITE Elective dance for 2 days without sleeping n dancing throughout.! Went to the pit and didn't even get to spend much time with them.!! I went straight to SLEEP.!! Too tired like shit.!

Things have been abit difficult. As in.. Not dance but something else.. I dont wanna explain it here.. Sometimes, i think it's going that way but sometimes, i kinda think another thing.. nvm.. No one will understand this paragraph.. Good. K, i lazy already.. Gotta mix for Dydy now.. Sorry Dydy if it's not that acceptable.. :( I really no more ideas.. Mcm blank skrng...

A kecoh tagboard..

2009-02-26T01:11:00.003+08:00

And so.. Been very depressed on the recent competition.. Haizzz.. Nvm..

I think i'm gonna change abit of my style for my next item.. It'll be a different item now.. Bored with the same things.. Wanna try something NOT me.. :S

REPLYS TO TAGS:
Izyan - Replied at your blog..
Guest - Aiyaa.. you ahh. that time i post already the song titles we used. It's You'll Find A Way. :)
Dydy - ADDED.!
Jojo - Will link you soon. :)
Mell - I know rite......... *-____-*
ShikinBELO - Will link you soon.!!
Guest - I'm sorry but i dont think i can share much or else everyone will be using it and i'll have no songs to use.. :( I really jope you understand..
WAN - Ahh.. Gadoh laa krng.. Tempat ni memang tempat gadoh..
Someone gd - Okay.. I know you may be trying to put it in a nice way to me.. Trying to help me. But somethings i can't let go that easily.. They're not that bad.. It's just that we always have last min problems..
Guest - Be jealous or wat... hahahha. :)

When i thought that i've finally moved on, i was wrong.
Just like the lyrics.

MDIS Street Dance.

2009-02-20T00:25:00.002+08:00

So, i've FINALLY completed the item for this Saturday.! Yay.! But kinda abit too late ahh.. haha. Well, don't blame me. Blame on the never full attendance. How to think.??! Aiyoo..

Anws, Those who would like to come, Take train to Queenstown then when you tap out, EXIT on the right. Then take a shuttle bus that goes str8 to MDIS. The competition starts at 1pm. Arnd there. As told. Get your food before coming as i was told that there got not much food stalls.? Or no food areas.? Idk. So cya.? Ok.? Gtg now.. Need to MIX.!!!!!!!!!! ARRRGGHH.!!!

Hey hey...

2009-02-15T23:35:00.003+08:00

So hmm.. Been not having the right mood for the past few weeks. Felt like i just need time alone. And i did. Now, i feel so so much more better.

Valentine's Day.
Had a boring day. Practiced at YP till about 7pm.? Around there. Then had "romantic" dinner with Dad at Ceineleisure. Haha. Then followed Paris-ian(Faizal, Wan, Zyk, Eeka, Herda n her date) to this pub which was... Kinda.. Ermm.. boring.? haha. Maybe bcoz there weren't seats for us. Then at night headed to Tantric & Play with X's where i had much fun. Not with boys but just with friends. It was the best night that i ever had. I dunno what's so best but i just like it. I feel so free again(not that anyone lock me up or anything.). Back to myself. I was... HAPPY AGAIN.!

Tday, slept till about 5pm then at about 8pm, Sis and her Friend ajak me to go IKEA with them to do minor shopping.. We took car there and ended up going to all 3 megastores there. IKEA, Courts and Giant. Got things from all 3 places. It was fun.!! VERY FUN.! but tiring ahh.. 1st went to Courts to get my Mom something. And i was looking for portable speakers but not many choices there. Then saw Tot, Derk, Dudd and one more guy i 4got who. Wahh.. hahaha. Then went to IKEA next FOR DINNER and laundry bucket. The food looks VERY TEMPTING.!! And it is kinda nice also.. *yummmy* Then finally, headed to Giant for home needs and got the speakers there.

And now, just got home. Tiring but not sleepy. Wth... Btw, Underworld, Rise of the Lycans is NICE.!! MUST WATCH.! The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button is also interesting.! Also MUST WATCH.!

I miss when it was like before. I really do. :'(
And I don't have a choice this time. I couldn't find anyone else. Really.

Near To You.

2009-02-12T02:39:00.003+08:00

He and I had something beautiful
But so dysfunctional, it couldn't last
I loved him so but I let him go
'Cause I knew he'd never love me back

Such pain as this
Shouldn't have to be experienced
I'm still reeling from the loss,
Still a little bit delirious

Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
'Cause though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yet, I'm better near to you.

You and I have something different
And I'm enjoying it cautiously
I'm battle scarred, I am working oh so hard
To get back to who I used to be

He's disappearing
Fading suddenly
I'm so close to being yours
Won't you stay with me
Please

Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
'Cause though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yet, I'm better near to you.

I only know that I am
Better where you are
I only know that I am
Better where you are
I only know that I belong
Where you are

Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
Though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on

Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
'Cause though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yet, I'm better near to you.

Yet, I'm better near to you.

OIT.!

2009-02-11T16:39:00.002+08:00

Haha. Hi. Here's a quick update.

I haf a video for everyone. hahahah. My grp in class made a video for our LLA project.!! hhahaha.! Macam bahan.! Luckily i'm not in the video that much. haha. Here it is.

Haf fun watching.!! I'll update more when i come home later from practice.! :)

WTH..

2009-02-08T23:39:00.002+08:00

ARGGGH.!! MY SIS GOT A NEW CAR.!!! How can this be soooooooo fair.?! N OMG.! This car is F***KING NICE.!!

It has TV inside. Then got this touch screen thingy.. I don't know what's the purpose but it's just so NICCCCCCEEE.!! Then the sound system is nice.!! And it has camera at the back to help with reverse.!! What more can you get.?! WOW.! Arrrgghh.!! I also want.! But lazy want to take license ah..

And so. I've completed my 7 days course for drinking. Hahah. And i think i'm back to the normal me. :) Those drunken nights are just to help me think lesser. And yeahh.. It does kinda help... But i do still like him.. Oh well.. Wth. I can't force myself to not like him. It doesn't help. I'll just have to wait till it fades off.? Yeah.

I was happy. After a long time. Finally heard. So happy.

Sick i am.

2009-02-07T02:34:00.004+08:00

I not feeling well. Everything in pain. My thighs are killing me.!!!!! My gum hurts ALOT.! Getting headaches and MY HEART IN PAIN.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I miss my cat. :( Okay random but everytime im hurt, my cat used to be there for me. :'(

5th day drinking straight.. Alcohols are my cure..

Without you.

2009-02-03T19:55:00.006+08:00

Things have been kinda _______less ____out ___.

Turning into an alcoholic. Been drinking more n more. I hate this. Yesterday night had a rough night drinking alone in my cozy room. And released alot of pain that i kept inside me for a looooongg time. Not just to you but to many other people as well. I felt more happy after that "so called" conversation we had. I don't know why i said all that but yeah, it made me felt better. :)

I'm still in that zone. Not willing to leave. My instincts are not letting me go. It is deep but i do have to remind myself. Those fairytales will not happen in the real life. So, just move on.

Apparently, i'm drinking alone again 2night. No one wanna drink wif me. :'(

I don't know what I've done

Or if I like what I've begun

But something told me to run

And honey you know me it's all or none

There were sounds in my head

Little voices whispering

That I should go and this should end

Oh and I found myself listening

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you

All I know is that I should

And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you

All I know is that I should

'Cos she will love you more than I could

She who dares to stand where I stood

See I thought love was black and white

That it was wrong or it was right

But you ain't leaving without a fight

And I think I am just as torn inside

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you

All I know is that I should

And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you

All I know is that I should

'Cos she will love you more than I could

She who dares to stand where I stood

And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call

You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all

But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you

This is what I have to do

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you

All I know is that I should

And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you

All I know is that I should

'Cos she will love you more than I could

She who dares to stand where I stood

Oh, she who dares to stand where I stood.

I was rite all along..

2009-02-01T22:36:00.002+08:00

K fine. I know. I was rite all along. I knew something there. Hmm.

Anyways, Funkamania is over.! We got 3rd.! And it's such a surprise as we really REALLY not expecting to be in top 3.. Well, our hard work is paid off.. Pheww~ Thanx to those who came down to support(mainly for the party rite?). Haha. I'm happy.! But sad also for another reason. Will upload the video soon. :)

come on andreas, your NYR was to move on. why r u still stuck wif him.? he doesn't like u. understand.?!

CNY.

2009-01-29T15:26:00.002+08:00

Chinese New Year was ok. Sis & Me met dad and had our breakfast/lunch at Secret Recipe at Terminal 3. Well, I love the pasta there.! And the Cakes of coz.! But the one i choose wasn't tat nice. Then after our meal, headed to meet Susi at her place and she seriously took her time to get ready.! Aiyo.! Then headed to Simpang Bedok and met Surfers. Went to Sam's house after their dinner for awhile and headed to Kallang to watch my other friends play soccer.

While the guys are playing their game, Susi and me decided to go drinking.! Heheheheh. Well, it's ok ok laa.. Then Ayeen, Fie & Mael came and joined the drinking session. Then blaa blaa blaa Ayeen and Rok slept over at my place. Then headed to practice str8.

I seriously don't understand what you're trying to do. I had the best dream of my life yesterday. I woke up happily but then i realised, it was just a dream.

And readers, IT'S NOT SEX OKAY.! hahaha.

I do want you. But do you.?

Just a random update.

2009-01-25T16:09:00.002+08:00

Feeling very down. Thinking of what to do and what not to do. Keep wishing for a better day ahead before going to sleep everynite but the wish ain't coming true.

Had overnite practice for Funkamania yesterday at NTU and it's sooo stresssful.!! Walaooo... The most stressful part is the going back part. On my home, Fie msged to meet at Mazlan's place and i was very tired to go there but decided to meet them since i'm already late and haven't been meeting them for some time. When we reached Mazlan's place, we karaoke-d for awhile. Wahhh.. I tell you, my voice very nice~ hahahhaha... Then we watch a sad/funny movie and headed to lala land at about 11am. Now i'm the only one who is awake. So boring.. The rest are still asleep.!! WAKE UP LAAA..!!

I'm thinking of you all the time...

To that someone.

2009-01-20T01:38:00.002+08:00

It almost made me hate you but then again, i can't blame you for loving someone else and not liking me. Well, i'll get over it. Used to these kind of things. It sucks.? YES.! But what can i do.

You have the sweetest personality that i can click with the best. I definitely did not fall for your looks. I fell for your personality. Which is the HARDEST thing to get rid.! And also the hardest to find. I like you. I really do. I wouldn't say things like this unless i'm really REALLY sure about it.

What should i do.?

Countdown Performance & Funkamania..

2009-01-19T18:30:00.003+08:00

Funkamania was stressful for me and i was freaking nervous.!! Surrounded by all the good dancers.. And i'm still not ready for this kind of standard. But i tried. And phew~ we made it to the finals. It was scary. 2 more weeks to the finals.! Arggh.! Scary.. Will upload the video soon. :)

The tears.

2009-01-15T14:57:00.003+08:00

I'm crying again. For some reasons. Crying so hard that no more tears could shed. Been thinking that maybe ... But it turned out that ....

You guys won't understand what i'm trying to say as it is for my own.

Funkamania will start at 4pm this Saturday @ NUS. NUS is in Clementi btw.

And to those ppl who kept on asking me on the songs we used. Here are the songs for the 6th Dec Competition at Zhenghua CC.

Songs: Womanizer.
Kick Drum.
Diva.
Nudity.
You'll Find A Way.

Dance, Family, Love & Facebook quizzes..

2009-01-12T00:26:00.001+08:00

Had the RP competition yesterday. Well, VERY VERY stress as it was AGAIN very last min. And we had tough competitors also. We didn't get any prizes. :( But we got a cert.! LIKE WOW.! hahah. And then came the most embarrassing part.! I had to battle.!!! Arrrgghh..! I hate battles.! I had to battle bcoz the top 4 male dancers in the competition had to battle out for an IPOD touch and the name of best male.!!! I want.!!! But i don't want to battle... hahaha.. So yeah. The 1st round of battle i lost. haha. 1st round je da kalah.. But then, we were still happy after the competition.. :) Good job Limited KX's.! K now, i'm left with Funkamania.. Gosh.! Really wrong timing. With the family problems i'm having now.. Arrggh. Supeerrr STRESS..!!! Shall not elaborate more..

Let me celebrate one thing. Happy 5 months ANDREAS.! 5 months for wanting a hopeless dream. Actually more then 5 months i think. Why can't i just wake up happy looking forward to a loving day.?? Will that day ever happen.? Wake up from the most beautiful sleep. Never been there, never done that. And this isn't just any crush. It's deeper. I do love him. In fact, i had a crush on him since last year. But that i didn't tell anyone except one person. And this time, it's not going away like last year. I know you'll feel very awkward if you knew about this. Which i think you already know.? Should be.? I'm sorry for this. I really didn't know that i would fall for you. Sorry. :(

I was bored. So i took some quizzes on facebook. These are the results on the quizzes i took. i don't know if it's true. haha.

No smile.
You don't smile, and instead you're crying. Rarely does anyone see you TRULY happy. You're faking all the time, and try to act quiet or angry to hide your feelings. All the bad times in life are dragging you down, and you're looking to anyone for help. Shake off the past, and start thinking about your future. Things'll turn out okay.
~You sure.?~

Sexy name.
When ppl hear ya name they get incredibly attracted by ya!you hot babe!!
~WOW.!~

You love him.
You love him i say girl marry him and whatever you do, dont lose him.
~Well, i hope i can.~

I'm Ross from F.R.I.E.N.D.S.
You are always there for your friends, you are the most intelligent amongst them and you are proud to know it. you are a true lover and will always love the person no matter whatever views he/she will have for you.
~I wanted to be phoebe.. :(~

Envy.
What it is: Envy is the desire for others' traits, status, abilities, or situation. Why you do it: Because other people are so much luckier, smarter, more attractive, and better than you. Your punishment in Hell will be: You'll be put in freezing water. Associated symbols & suchlike: Envy is linked with the dog and the color green.
~Nothing to say....~

Blaa...

2009-01-09T02:07:00.004+08:00

School is still as boring as ever.. Long time table.. Really driving me crazy.. I'm lucky i have not so bad classmates. :) But the course is really tiring. And i have to go for night classes.. On every Monday & Wednesday nights.. :'( You wanna fetch me.? hehheh. Why can't 'O' Levels be the last stage for studies.?????!!

Been practicing almost everyday for different competitions and shows. Will i ever finally have my big break.? After Funkamania maybe.? So, i'll be having a dance competition on this Saturday, 10th Jan @ RP. 3pm. Do come alright if you guys are free. :) Then after this week, i'll be having another dance competition(Funkamania) next Saturday, 17th Jan @ NUS.. Time is to be confirmed. So, do leave your saturdays free k.? Come watch.. hehehe..

The question still remains unanswered. Is it a goodbye my almost lover.? Somehow i wanna go but somehow i don't. Do you want me to leave and not turn back.?

I'm bored...

2009-01-05T23:27:00.006+08:00

Had ITE Simei performance just now. Well, it was damn hot and the crowd was superrr superr boring..!!! I hate the crowd laa... Semua case tkde mulut.!! So anws, will be having another one 2moro. I like lazy n no mood to do the performance laaaa.....

I'm bored.. Here are some pics from the past.

This is Limited Edition at Suntec Dance 08.

This is Limited KX's at Sentosa celebrating Susi's birthday.!

This is me.

This is me during work at Topman Vivocity. I miss working...

This is Susi n me during Smack Dat.

This is Sue calling out the animals from the jungle.

This is Fie with that 'POPULAR' look.

This is a few of the Limited KX's during the july show in Woodlands.

This is me with Fantastic Crew at Dbl O for Jim Beam. I miss u guys... :(

This is Ayeen n me. I put this pic bcoz i look nice.! no other reason.

This is Limited KX's with DYK. Drunk....
This is DYK, KS, Sidik n Me at Admilraty.
This is Limited KX's trying to fit in that small sofa.! During DX3.
My first own group. DX2.
It's Sue and Me. At Ayeen's birthday chalet.

This was when Envy met Lust.

Me, Ayeen & Fie. Awwww.. I miss.. MY HAIR.

This is me now.

This is Limited KX's at Zhenghua CC.

Susi & Me. Bestest Friend in East View Secondary even though all the Fights. I miss those fights.. hahhaa..

Will you ever know.? Yes, i do still like you alot.

Is it really a goodbye.?

2009-01-04T22:22:00.002+08:00

Is it really a goodbye.? I've tried. But i don't think that i can. The question is, should i.? I've tried to find someone else. I almost did but it just doesn't seem to go well. What am i to do now.? Goodbye, my almost lover.? Or Hellooo, my almost lover.? haha.

30T. My eyes are on you guys. I'm really watching out. See you guys on this Saturday.!

Dance and the breaking point.

2009-01-03T09:36:00.002+08:00

I can't do this anymore.! Ton practice for most of the time at Boon Lay. I know it's for the studio but i really can't do this anymore. 1stly it's bcoz of my mom. My mom is not like most of you guys' mom. She doesn't agree to ALOT of things. And 2ndly, would you guys like to be the one to travel from Simei to Boon Lay every night and to travel back EARLY IN THE morning.? I'm not trying to be mean but we can always do the practices in the afternoon. Or at least centralise the overnight practice. If this is going to carry on, i might not be joining anymore. I really can't.

You broke me. You took me out from the tight zone. Made me fell for you. And then this, you went for someone else. That's real "sweet".! I was so stupid to fell for it. I should have just done what i always do best. Be MEAN. That way, i won't really fall for people easily. You made me soften my feelings towards you. Yes you did. And it did made me fall for you. After knowing "that", it hurt my heart so deeply that i'll need several sitches or even replace it. I was stupid.

And to the other guy, i'm trying to not think of you and move on but i can't. I just can't stop thinking of you.
Goodbye, my almost lover.
Goodbye, my hopeless dream.
I'm trying not to think about you.

So long, my luckless romance.
My back is turned well..

The f**king stupid dilemma..

2009-01-02T19:33:00.002+08:00

Soo. Okay. I had countdown performance at Woodlands and it was WOW.!! I loveeeeee IT.! The crowd was wow.! I simply love it soooo much.!! YIPEEE.!! Video will be uploaded soon.! :)

The rejection. I've had enough. After months of waiting and months of rejections. I'm trying to move on now. I've tired and i'm tired of it. I'm going to try my best to move on. My new year resoultion is to not hate you and to not fall for you anymore. I hope it's goes away. I'm sure you know who you are by now. All the hints, yet nothing. the dance is what it is.

Then there's scene 2. I thought it might work. Just when i'm about to fall for him, i thought of things carefully and ... As usual.. Why won't things go right for me. Just once. I'm asking for this just once. I'm sick and tired of rejecting ppl for someone else that i know i will never get but just hoping that MAYBE one day it will happen. Enough is enough. I'm willing to try new things now. It's the new year. Hoping to put the past behind. I just wish for ONE happy moment in my life. JUST ONE.

I'm trying to look out for the ones who really care for me and shows me love. Or at least haf a 'click'.

I HATE EVERYTHING.!!

2008-12-30T03:14:00.002+08:00

I freaking hate my parents laa.!! Everything i do is wrong.! When will i do the right things.?! Even if u sooo hate me dancing, then give me more cash.!! Im earning abit more from dance now a days.! Why won't u just see that.! N would u prefer if i were to just sit under the void decks slacking around and get caught from the police for any reason.?? I'm throwing away that past time of mine just to do something more useful. In a way, making money also. And i'm not wasting my time doing nothing. And my step dad.! Like to talk SOOOO MUCH about me behind my back.! Huh.! After i fight with my mum, you ran out of the house like a stupid chicken.! Tau pun takot.! U're supposed to be the man of the house now so act like one.!! Like to talk about me and my sister. YOU YOURSELF NOT EARNING ENOUGH TO SUPPORT US.!!! USELESS FOOL.!! ALAMAKK.!!!!! ONE DAY MY MOUTH LASER AND SHOUT AT YOU THEN YOU KNOW.!!! ARRGGHHH.! BLOODY FOOL.!!!! To my real mum & dad, i'll love you no matter how much i say i hate you....

Typical love story.

2008-12-29T01:15:00.002+08:00

Dance have been really tiring. Traveling from home(Simei) to boon lay almost everyday is tiring. And not coming home alot is making mummy angry. I'm trying to lessen it. Just a few more overnight practices. I can live with it. A few more. Funkamania is coming.!! Argghh.!! STRESS LEVEL UP.! I just hope mummy won't 'throw my clothes out'<-- like someone.. hahaha.. Then there's practice with Limited Edition n X's for our countdown slot. Gosh.!! I need rest. I mean the brain needs rest.!

How i wish things to go smoothly. Like those typical love stories. Where it always ends with a happy ending. Where's my fairy god mother.????! Faster come.! Are you like lost.??

Errmmm..?

2008-12-26T01:59:00.003+08:00

Hmm. How do i start.?

Problems. Here and there. Why can't life be easier.?

My family is starting to get more complicated as days goes by. Stress level increasing. And i'm getting more hot tempered as days goes by also. I think it's my medications. I'm taking medications for my cough NOT for other reasons.! Dad is majok-ing with me right now. Hahah. That's wierd rite.? haha. Your own dad majok with you. Like girl like that. Mummy now having her good mood season. Lucky me.. After all the big fights that we had recently. Sister haven't been coming home for about 2 months already. There's the pros n cons tho.

There's this guy. I get to know him through msn. He's been contacting me but i haven't been entertaining him. Well, 1stly bcoz right now my phone is in "COMA" so i can't reply. 2ndly, i like someone else. It's not that i don't want to entertain you. But i'm just afraid that i might give you false hope by entertaining. So there's no point for scolding me online just bcoz i didn't reply your msges. As much as u begged me to be with you, i can't. I really can't. It will hurt even more than now. I LIKE SOMEONE ELSE. I'm sorry. :(

Love has always been unfair. Even i've been in that situation twice and i'm in it right now. It's the situation when you like that particular someone but he/she doesn't like you back. It is sad. But maybe, your day might come. Sooner or later. We might all never know.

it's a love story baby just say yes.

My horoscope n family.

2008-12-23T17:36:00.002+08:00

My horoscope for 2day really makes sense.

The Bottom Line
You may be selfish now and then -- it's allowed! Get back some of your free time.

In Detail
If you feel like you're been sacrificing too much in your life, then stop doing it. You may be selfish every now and then -- in fact, it's healthy! So let the pendulum swing back to 'selfish,' where your happiness is the highest priority. Reclaim some of your free time. Use it however you see fit -- take a nap, read a book, go for a walk, or even just watch TV. All that matters is that you are doing what you want to do, when you want to do it!

That's for libra. :)

So,i met my dad yesterday after the fight with mom. Dad was scolding me due to mom always complaining to dad. Then dad scolded me for being a malay. He said things that really makes me confused. I'm really lost. Which do i follow.? I hate my step dad, dad and mom. Must it be this tough.? It's really irritating when there's alot in mind. My step dad is just soooo SUPER annoying.! I F***KING HATE HIM LAAA.!!!!! So plastic.! Argggh.! I just wish to run away with no one around me. I want to be left alone...

the moment.

2008-12-22T01:29:00.001+08:00

Here are some pics from after the performance at HomeClub.. It's just some.! I'm still waiting for Val to send me pics.!!!!! Argghh.! I hate waiting..... Faster Val.. :(

I love the event. I mean the day. Correction, night. It was fun with the rest of the dancers. I was initially angry but they made me happy. Thanx guys. I'm tired from all the dance. To think of it, i haven't had my rest. I wanna stop for awhile. Have my break. But when.? But i do wanna learn more also. I wanna upgrade myself. We'll just see.

Practice for Funkamania is tough. It's also like working. It has shifts. Hahah. Like for real. I ain't kidding. We have afternoon shift(12pm-5pm) or night shift(12md-6am). And the job is 7days per week. Which means EVERYDAY.! Hahaha. But Chirstmas Eve and Chirstmas are non-practice days. We have a total of 9days for practice. 9DAYS for Funkamania.! OMG or wat.! I choose OMG.! haha. So anws, it's my 1st time joining Funkamania. I'm scared. :S And i need to practice for my countdown's item also. It's NOT DONE.!! And i got another item for countdown also with X's. I'm so sorry X's that we won't be able to do new item. I really cannot learn already.. :( Penat nyahs.... And to Limited Edition, we'll only get 2 practice days. Heheh. I hope you guys can cope with it k.? :)

Another story coming up. I'm doing another story for countdown's item. About that painful situation. Take it as me letting out my feelings by dancing. I hope it's gonna be nice.

I hate the person i love.

2008-12-18T16:48:00.002+08:00

I hate you. I hate you alot. I've tried and tried to keep everything. But i really can't. I kinda let it out yesterday talking to Wardah and Ayeen. Standard routine. Me crying with them trying to wipe my tears and calm me down.

I want this feeling to go away. I don't wanna love you anymore. I hate you so much that i feel like killing you. You are an asshole. I'm still trying to make my feelings go away. It's been months and i think it's just hopeless. Why must i always go through this procedure.? Arggh.! I want life.! I want love.! I want someone that i can hug.! Someone who i can talk to in the middle of the night. Someone who is willing to do anything for me. Someone who is able to spend time with me. Someone who will love me back.

It ain't happening. For my whole 19 years, i've NEVER tasted real love.

Will it ever happen.?
When will it be.?
How long am i suppose to keep waiting.?
Why me.?

the rejection, the pain.

2008-12-15T00:17:00.003+08:00

The thought that it might happen. It sucks. It brings to no where. Maybe bcoz of the other liking. I'm lost again. Alone. Wanting to move on but still clinging on to that. These many many rejection. I was rejected. I didn't confess but i felt the rejection. Maybe it's just me, or maybe my prediction is right again like always for this kind of situation. I didn't expect it to be this deep. Again.! Do you know.? I want to let you know. Or maybe not. I've not yet made up my mind. Sometimes i think it's best not letting you know. But sometimes, i just feel like letting you know. Everytime when i'm about to not like you, something happens and i will tend to like you more. I do like you. Alot. I wouldn't use the word 'Love' as i'm not pretty much sure about that yet. And it's been months. You are that special someone. What am i to do.?

the rejection, the pain. always here.

The sad situation..

2008-12-09T00:40:00.001+08:00

It's going away. Somehow, i don't want it to go away. Do you know.?

I wish for a better life. I wish to be reborn. I wish to forget everything. I wish to end it now. Life has always been unfair. I know i can't complaint much as I'm not living my life the right way. But, please do give me some life. I'm just asking for some. Everything just keeps on happening. It keeps on repeating. No matter how many changes i made. It will still happen.

Why must i be the one always in this dilemma.?

I'm stuck. I'm lost. I'm....

2008-12-08T00:59:00.000+08:00

Atiqah is missing from the picture as she had to leave early...

I'm speechless. All i can say is read my title.

I need sleep. Or i'll cough blood again..

Selamat Hari Raya.

I wish i could rewind time. And make none of this happen. I'm helping.? I'm not helping.? Which do i go to.? What am i to do.?

Y.? I'm sick...

2008-12-06T00:56:00.002+08:00

So, i finally got my internet back.! Like Yipeee.!!

Anws, i've been really sick for the past 1 week str8.. Gosh.! The longest i've fallen ill..

You know when sometimes you've reached the limit and really think that the decision you made is going to be final but then you changed ur mind the next day and thought of giving it another chance.? You think i should.? I thought they've changed. I hope i'm not jumping to conclusions again. And please god, don't let them be lying to me. Bcoz i'm gonna trust them and hopefully they won't step over my head.. :( I'm done. I'm in my weakest point now.

I've heard wat u said about those people.. Will i ever be one of them.? Bcoz i do have a feeling this is going to be a .......... Shouldn't continue.. I think it's wearing off.. Do you want me to wear it off.? I think i should.. It's like a hopeless crush..

I'm sick of those hopeless crush.. But everytime when i get to know someone who i like, they will be kind of afraid of me. Do i eat people up.? Maybe i'm being too str8 forward and tough on them but... This is me.. If you're gonna like me then you're gonna like me for who i am.. I'm not gonna be some plastic just bcoz i like you..

Wat am i gonna be.? Who would wanna be with me.? Will they stay with me all the way.? And will it ever go away.?

And so..

2008-11-11T00:09:00.002+08:00

Been really stressed out again.. Why must it just keeps on coming.. Arrggghh.! I hate it.! I hate you.!!

Why must i like u.? Do i like u.? I think soo.. Why else would i be freaking jealous..! Gosh.! N i must not like you.. Right.? I guess.. The feeling to pull ____ apart..

And plus.. Another additional problem.! The standard problem that i always have.. Can i not do this anymore.? i feel like ....

OUCH..!!! To the finals...

2008-11-02T02:16:00.004+08:00

And soo.. Many hurtful moments this past few days.. As in physically.. All those hurtful moments left me with :

- A broken nose.. (not really broken laa.. but it's real bad..)
- Swollen upper lips..
- And both knees injured.. (with bleeding..)

Gosh.!! Really painful...!! HELP.!!!

Most of the painful moments occured at Samantha's house.. Hahaha.. But i had fun.. Weeee~~ hahaha.. Ssshhh..

And so, went for auditions for Dance Beats at O School earlier this afternoon.. And apparently, we came when the auditions was already finished.! Well, there's always a 1st for somethings.. And coming for an audition when it's over.? That's my 1st.! Hahaa.. And don't blame us.! We didn't know anything.. Like seriously.. The organiser didn't text us regarding the info.. And DAMN.!! we were embarrassed alright.!! But we did register.! And soo after proving the organiser that we did register and did text her before coming, WE HAD TO PERFORM IN FRONT OF THE OTHER COMPETITORS.!! EXTRA EMBARRASSMENT..!! Then blaa blaa blaaa happened... Directly after we performed, the judges was ready to tell the results.. Then they said that only the top 3 groups will enter the finals.. Scary siaa.. Only top 3 will enter finals.. And....
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WE GOT IN TO THE FINALS..!! Yay.!! Im sure many will say that it isn't fair for them.. Coz we came late and blaa blaa blaaaa.. But try being in our situation.. NOT KNOWING THE TIMING FOR THE AUDITIONS.! And is it fair that all you other competitors got a closed audition and we were surrounded by all of you.??? If you really think that it's not fair, then try doing that.. Come late for an audition then SEE IF IT'S EASIER TO GO FURTHER.. :) Enuf said.. So the finals will be held at The Padang this Friday, 7th November at 5pm.. Please do come down alrite.?! :) :) :)

Watched Coffin at Suntec after the auditions.. It's not that fun laa.. But nice story line... :)

I'm Hungry..

2008-10-28T00:51:00.002+08:00

So apparently, KX's celebrated my birthday on one of our overnight practices... Thanx for that.. But i don't like the wishing part can..??? Very the malu you know.. Soo blablablaa.. Some of my friends did wished me belated though.. Don't worry laa.. Forgot you think i'll kill you ahh..? haha.. I wish i can..

And soo.. This guy. The pressure.. The problems.. The irritating-ness.. And the other guy. Sweet.. Caring.. But the pressure.. I don't know what to do.. Argghh.!! I am really blank.. I think i'll just stay off from both of you now and just concentrate on the guy i really like.. Wanna know who..? K let me tell you... He very nice.. Funny at times.? i guess.. Slenge at most of the times..? Yup. Tat's all i'm gonna say..!! :P And don't bother asking who.. Coz.. I WON'T TELL..!!! I MEAN ANYONE.. hahaha...

And ok.. What else..? Oh.. And thanx to Wan for giving the idea to walk to Plaza Singapura from City Hall.. And Amelia, thanx for the umbrella but ended up fully drenched also.. So like no point thanking you.. hahahahha.. Practice was tiring.. But oh so ok.. Sorry for the mood i gave just now.. Just not the right timing to talk to me.. :) But now ok already... :P :P

Alrites now.. I'm hungry.. Wanna eat.. byeeeeeeeeee.......

Another boring birthday...

2008-10-22T23:21:00.002+08:00

I've always thought that birthdays are just nothing.. But everytime when it's my birthday, i will have this sudden feel.. The feeling is me liking birthdays.. But mine was awfully boring.. Woke up at around 11am and headed to eastpoint to meet my classmates for lunch at KFC.. I kinda like my classmates now.. I feel more comfortable with them now.. And i've just known them early this year and they made me happy today.. They celebrated my birthday with a cake.. Really sweet of them.. They only know me for like 6 months.? Around there.. And they bought me a cake.. I was in the toilet smoking and when i came back, they surprised me with a cake in class.!! Wooohooo.. Sweet rite.. Tu laaa...

Sadly, some of my close friends didn't remembered my birthday.. :( I know you totally forgot..

Special thanx to those who wished me.! From Wan being the 1st to wish me *and i actually forgot it's my birthday coz i was soo super tired from practice* to Wani being the last to wish me.. Thanx ppl..! Ur thoughts will always be remembered.!! :) No pictures for tday's celebration coz sadly didn't have much celebrations and my handphone isn't a good handphone tat can take clear pics..

Dance is starting to get really tiring.. Too many dance going on + school..

Wat was it tat i wanted to say.?

2008-10-19T05:22:00.003+08:00

So apparently, i couldn't remember what i wanted to blog about. I've been thinking about it since my last post.. Now when i'm already here, i couldn't remember.. haha.. Ohh.! I remember one.. We had fun eh AME.!! Hahahahhaa.. Went home str8. So fun.. No clubbing no drinks.. Wth.. 1st time gg to a club and actually not party-ing and went home str8.. Ok maybe not str8 bcoz we slacked at simei for awhile.. BORING~~~~~

Ohh.! Things i need to buy : Costumes (-.-) ,
Earpiece.!! ,
Cap.! ,
Shoe.? ,
Clothes.! ,
Pants.? i don't think so.. ,
And i have to save money for Danz War and other occasions *winks*..

The sudden feeling to do contemp is back again.. After watching Meredith do her piece at Zouk just now.. GOSH.! It's freaking nice i tell you..!! I wanna dance like her can.?????? That will be the day.. In 2 years i guess.. :( or maybe more.? idk.. I want it so badly.!!

Ugly Betty and GOSH.!

2008-10-13T20:24:00.002+08:00

And so it started with watching Ugly Betty for the tiring evening i had.. And i love Ugly Betty..! I mean the show.. Did you watch the latest episode.? The one about Alexis got caught in the end.? Awww.. I could really feel it.. I could feel the sadness.. Really touches me.. You guys should watch.! Season 3.!

Didn't get to sleep from yesterday bcoz i was waiting for you. And you came, no feelings for you but just lust.. And you gave me quite a pain there.. And the thought of keeping it till i found the right one is no more.. Couldn't think of anyone else to lose it to but you.. Well, you weren't good.. Hahah.. Wasn't how i pictured it to be.. But i'm glad the wait is over.. And after you left, i went str8 to school.. TIRING I TELL YOU.!!!

I could really feel it.. Deep..

Andreas..

2008-10-09T02:18:00.003+08:00

The past few days i've been going jalan raya.. Well, getting tired of it anyways.. But it's ok.. I'm left with this week to raya.! Coz from next week onwards my family n myself won't be free for raya anymore.. So yes.! If you're thinking of coming to my house, come within this week.. That is if i'm at home or if my mom is at home.. Call me up 1st alrite.!

School's starting next week.. Gossh.! I think this time i feel more ready for school. I wasn't before that's why i got debarred. Well, i'm fresh for school now...!!! Wohooo.... haha.. Gotta study hard this time and i hope i meant what i say..

I'm sooo happy.!! You'll find out why soon enuf i guess..

Open hse..

2008-10-06T02:48:00.002+08:00

Had my open house just now. Well, it was tiring serving ppl. Mommy will be working from 2moro onwards so which means no more raya for my family.. :( But am still going jalan raya with my frens..!! Hehehehe...

You know, i feel so light. Like so super stress free for now. Sooo super stress free that i didn't really like it. It bores me.

And just when i wanted to forgive you and let you be back, i got to know some really hurtful truths. And i didn't expect it to come from you. After all these years. And that "thing" i heard i gotta believe. It is so true. You won't expect her to lie to me.

I still can't believe that we fit in 5 people in the back seat of the car yesterday.. hahaha..

Raya and Fun.!

2008-10-05T20:17:00.004+08:00

My Sis, Close Cousin & Me.

So yeah.. I 4got to mention what gorgeous girl cousins i have.. I didn't take any pic wif them laa.. lazy ah wanna take pictures.. And bla bla blaaa.. Not that bad this raya.. I like it.. haha..

So the past 2 days went to relax like finally. I had my own free time again. Finally got to find time to actually go clubbing. The only time i go clubbing is when i'm really free. No practice = NOT TIRED. N no need for stresss and kept on thinking of the item. I feel so happy. So stressfree. But sadly, didn't went home with anyone. To be honest, i don't really remember much about my nite on friday at PLAY with Ayeen, Fie, Mael and Faizal. But i do know that i had fun. I remember being happy getting to spend time with them again. Like finally. Just drinking and talking crap. Like when we 1st drank together. I love it.! I did remember about yesterday nite. It was fun. Cleared somethings with certain people. Did i turn someone down again.? Gosh.! Why did i do that.? And am i liking someone new.? I guess i am. And again, it's someone who is not single. I guess. But i think i know he's boyfy. Not that i know him or whatever. I mean i know his face. I mean. Arggh. WTH. Anyways, what i'm trying to say is that... *NOT FOR YOU GUYS TO KNOW. :P*

I have this sudden crush on you, mummy's boy.

Cousins, Aunts n Uncles.

2008-10-03T17:07:00.002+08:00

So let me fill u up with my cousins, aunts and uncles.. 1stly, about my hot emo cousin.. GOSH.!! He likes so damn hot..! Idk ah wat concept he is. Emo ke, metal ke. Same laa.. He's hot man.! Gosh.! Ok wait.. That's not my cousin.. He's my cousin's son.. Nephew rite.? Yaaa.. So yeah.. He's hot alrite.. Then his brother is cute.. Not hot but cute.. Can play piano some more.. So fun rite.!! I've always wanted to play a piano but am always learn to learn.. haha..

And Fariz, came with a boot.!! Wahh.. Glamor nampak..

The HOT topic.!!

So i have this uncle who stays in Johor. He's married to a woman that always looks at me like she wants to have me for dinner. But when she talks, she's nice. They have 2 kids. Ever since young, when i look at the 2 boys of theirs, i picture them as bullies trying to beat me up for money in high school.!! You know those shows where they have some nerds being beat up by jocks. That's in my mind everytime i see them.! And damn rite they are BIG.!! And sadly, the bullies never did happen. Hahaha.. Anyways, they were at my house just moments ago. And gosh.!! Only one of the bullies came and damn.... HE'S BIG LIKE A GIANT.! Big = Tall + Big arms + Big waist + Big legs*which he can kick you like a soccer ball*. Then i asked my uncle what he wants for the drink. Cold or hot.? And then he's wife reaches for her handbag. *Is she going to take out a knife and stab me.?* Hahaha.. She took out sachets of coffee and told me that they want hot water. And i'm like.... "dgr2 g jalan raya kene bawak kopi sendiri dlm handbag." And i almost laughed.. Some aunty i have...

Hari Raya..

2008-10-02T23:13:00.003+08:00

Ok. Yay..!!! Dpt duit collection.. hahahah.. anyways.. Selamat Hari Raya to all the muslims out there.. Those non muslim also can laa.. Sibok je.. haha.. Must i mintak maaf.? Ya ya.. Maaf kn ye.?

It didn't go as i wanted..

2008-09-29T05:04:00.002+08:00

Raya is this wednesday.! only 2 more days.. Gosh.! Puasa tk full abeh nk raya.. Hahahahaa.. Well, I tried.. Anything else to say.? No.

had my 1st fall.!!!

2008-09-25T04:54:00.002+08:00

So yeah.. I fell trying to do a high kick pirutte.. And gosh.! Lucky for me i landed on my hands not on my butt.!! Or else it'll b pain alrite.. And i've gotta say it's funny ok.. Hahaha.. tu laa.. slalu ketawe kn orng.. Hahaha..

Dance has been tiring. I'm really thinking of a break. Will i finally have it after this 27th.? We'll see about that.

Is finding the right one this difficult.? Wat's wrong with me? The ones that i like usually are not interested in me or simply not available. And the ones that likes me have no click with me. I mean i must have that click u see. I don't wanna waste my time getting the wrong person and ending up breaking his heart. So to those who i rejected, i'm sorry. That's my explaination.

Some says to keep trying.

the stories.

2008-09-23T05:39:00.003+08:00

Don't you just love her.? I like her. She's cute.!

She looks like Lana Lang when i watch her on ANTM. Doesn't she.? Another of my favourites.

I like her bcoz of her sexuality.

I might consider this as a costume girls. Hahah.. kidding..

To one of my dancer, we're not trying to poke you or anything. Coz from what we heard, ppl are saying things that really made me not happy. And it comes from you. And ppl makes mistakes and what we do after making those mistakes? We simply try to make it up to them. Do consider about what i said. And if you still think that leaving is the best answer then so be it. We're not going to entertain that. But i still take u as a friend. And on raya, must mintak maaf at me k. hahaha.. C u around.

how do i begin?

2008-09-18T05:22:00.002+08:00

So, it all started with the problems that dance gave me and the stupid idea of finding the right guy. I spent my week doing mostly playing game on the computer all by myself in my cozy purple and white room. Nothing could get in between me and THE GAME. Well, it is the only thing that makes me smile. There i go again.

So, i haven't been online for quite sometime or sometimes i'm online but i decided to appear offline due to some problems which i don't wish to clear. I'm starting a new life from this day onwards. Yes i am. Those "Get To Know List" is now gone. I'm done searching. And to those who've done bad to me are pushed to the unkown. If you think i'm insane, then i am.

Hope you enjoyed your birthday Amelia and Fadz.!

it's starting to fall apart..

2008-09-16T03:07:00.002+08:00

The only thing that can make me smile now a days are games.. I won't even bother about anything else.. I'll just FORCE myself to care less.. Nothing matters now.. Other then me and my SIMS 2.. I'm starting to play it again.. Yay.!! It's fun playing again.. And i can't wait for SIMS 3.!! I'm sooo gonna buy it that is after i upgrade my comp for a larger capacity..! K now, i'm off to SIMS world.!!

And faruq, here's something for you :"You were the one who wanted to join so badly. Say this and that and when i wanted to back us out, you threw your tempers around and i know you want to join badly so i decided to just bear with the pain and allowed us to join. I cracked my head for this item. Tried my best to make it good. You liked the item. And so do i. And now, you're the one. It's easy for you to back out. You're not the one who cracked his head to give an item. So it's me. I'm the one always cracking my head like F*CK to give u guys the item and what you can do is go play around. You guys don't EVEN care how hard that is. Kalau nk join, join kalau tk nk then back out. That's all you guys do. And me, i'll just have to keep on bearing the pain and just keep thinking of solutions. Right now, the solution is this. You bear the pain with me.! Only a few more days to go. After this, you want to stop dancing "also" i won't stop you. Just finish this up. I promise i won't disturb you or take you in for any more competition." Da la g town dgn mush tk ajak aku skali. Haizzz.. :(

god, what have i done.?

2008-09-12T00:47:00.002+08:00

So yeah.. Back to screwing up my own life again.. God, Is it me.? Did i raise the group wrongly.? One by one giving me those problems.. I've been changing 4 the better*i guess* and bad things keeps on coming.. I've tried n i'm still trying to control my temper and just hope that things will go smoothly.. But... It gets worst everytime.. Does this mean that i have to close down this group.? I don't want to but if majority keeps on giving me this kind of crap, the only solution is to close the group.. There's still alot in the group.. yes, but i'm very depressed right now due to the lost of a dancer that i worked hard on.. you asked me to join you guys for this particular competition and you backed out. Ahh.. I see.. I just hope that you stopped dancing for the right reason.. For now, the group is still moving on.. But we are still dissapointed that you left.. I feel like something is not right.. Is there a problem.? There must be a problem right.. Just yesterday you are like normal.. Happily dancing and chatting with us.. Then all of a sudden 2day you sent me that msg.. You can just tell meyou know.. I'll always find a way to do all this..

Then there's another problem.. I screwed up. I dunno if it's me or is it him.. I just asked regarding his past and i was abit too str8 forward.. And now, it seems like he's avoiding.. One moment he's all excited and eager to talk to me and now, he's like:"oh ok. nothing. hey." Bascially, he keeps on giving me those one word answers which are signs that he doesn't want to get to know me already.. Am i really in the wrong most of the time.? If i am, then i'm gonna just stop what i'm doing and just live life the way it shouldn't be..

another boring day n oopss.!

2008-09-10T09:21:00.001+08:00

Okay.. Another boring day for me.. Just got back from Tot's condo.. Well, it was fun spending the night there.. It's been a while not meeting them and spending the night with them.. But it was also kinda boring... :( Okay~ I've got nothing else to say.. Byee...

He's a guitarist.

2008-09-07T05:22:00.003+08:00

He's a guitarist. Ok~ Should i go for it this time.? He asked me out. Should i.? I mean like if i don't try to even get to know him better, how am i supposed to find the right one. And so he says "omg. u're hot." Woah.. Hang on, let me copy down what he wrote : "does rockers turn u on? lol." Tat's for me to know.. :P Then he asked me this: "can i take u out for dinner some time?" That really left me blank.! Well, i've turned down a few coz MAYBE i'm afraid. I don't know why. MAYBE i don't feel like. MAYBE i'm still liking someone else. So i answered: "depends. when.?" Hahaha. I was really blank.!!!! gosh.! hahaha. Then we chatted and it resulted to him saying this: "anyway, shall i leave u my number before i head off to bed?" And i replied: "shall u.? do u want to.?" Hahahha.. And so he left me his number but one thing, i still haven't gave him mine. Should i.? I don't know. I really don't. Should i just not be too choosy anymore and just go for it.? MAYBE things might work out.? I think i should go for it.

I think i've changed. I mean towards my friends. I feel that. It's like something is wrong with me. Sometimes i feel like i just prefer to be alone. I don't know what's wrong with me but yaa.. If any of my close friends feel that i'm drifting apart, i really am sorry. I don't know what's this feeling. The only group of friends i'm with these days is my dancers. I feel the bond getting better and better as time goes by. It's a good thing right.? And i'm finally starting to love this group. FINALLY.!! I hope you guys won't be giving me any more problems pleasssssssssseeeeeee...

As time goes by, the list gets more. Now it's 17 out of 22 blocked.!

2008-09-06T01:57:00.002+08:00

And so, i'm having a competition 2moro*or should i say later.?* Ya.. wth. So yeah. 2pm starts at TM open plaza. Come yaaa.. Anyways, i haven't got the chance to say this(sorry. i just realised!). To those people who have been coming down to those competitions that we join, i REALLY thank you guys for coming and support.!! Woohhooo..! Thanx peeps.! For those who didn't support, buzz off.. U're lame.. Hahahhaha.. nahh~ up to you to support who. I'm cool with it.! :) So yeah~~ Tat's it.! Bye~~

can't sleep.

2008-09-03T07:12:00.003+08:00

Ok. It's early in the morning and i haven't slept since yesterday. Too bz doing things online and not yet sleepy. Is something wrong with me.? Insomnia. I guess it is. But i've got that contemp class 2moro in school.! Please make me sleep.! Or else i'm gonna be really tired for class later.! And yeah.! I've been fasting for the past 2 days.! Woohooo.!! Haha. 2day is the 3rd day. Well, i'm predicting that i won't be fasting 2day but i will try my best to. hehe. :)

I began to wonder after doing a few bloghopping. What am i.? *It's an inside question. Not for any of you to know. :P*

The crush.? I think it's getting deeper. What you think i should do.? GOSH.! He's younger than me. But WTH, many bottoms have younger tops also. maybe not many. But what do i care. I mean like if i really like someone then maybe sometimes the fact doesn't even matter. Truth is, I didn't even thought that i would fall for him. I'm not going to do anything. I'm just gonna sit back and wait for him to 'maybe' ask me out.

Anyways, i do have another guy asking me out but..
would you go for someone that you don't like and on the other hand you're liking someone else.?

is it that hard.?

2008-09-01T05:05:00.002+08:00

Anyways, been getting guys that are really not suitable for me. Gosh.! Is this a curse.? Well, i'm sorry.? For those times in my past. But hey, it's the past. Now i'm really looking forward for a serious relationship. Yeah. I'm still andreas alrite. I'm sick and tired of those games. Anyways, Mr "Wanna Bring Me Out", i'm sorry i'm not free the past few days and i don't think i will be free for this week. I'm sorry but i promise you, i will find time for you. :) Honestly, you're the only one that i would wanna go out with out of the 19 guys i get to know with.. :) I've blocked 16 out of 19 from my "Get to know" list. hahah. Well, don't blame me. They were tooooo HORNY. You're one of my top 3.!! Congrats.! haha.

Can someone please tell me. Why is it so difficult to find someone who matches with you.?? I'm trying my best now. To find the perfect one. I'm giving it a try to those who "claims" that he like me even though i don't like him. I'm giving it a try. But i don't seem to even click with any. None that click. Gosh.! Am i too choosy.? I don't think so rite.? Bcoz rite now, i think i'm in love with someone who i never thought i would fall for. But i don't think i can go for him. I don't wanna get rejected again. :( Must it be this difficult.? If you realise my dear readers, i've always been rejected by the guys i truly like. And when some random guy likes me, i turn them down. Is this karma.? I wish that my love life would be alot easier.

FYI, i've no longer have my cat. :( Mummy sent it back due to me n sis not always at home. Now i miss it like really alot..!!! I loved that cat and i think i still do. I miss it's irritating-ness and manja-ing. Gosh.! That is one of the cutest cat that i ever had.

And to my dear friend. Well, i used to like you*i think u should know who you r already*. Cheer up alrites.! :) I've never seen you that sad before. Seriously, i've never seen you cry before. It was the 1st time and i was so shocked and stoned. Not knowing what to do. And it took me a day to finally ask if you're ok. But yeah. Take care alrite. Don't be sad. It's just part of life. There are bad times and happy times.

i wish life could be easier...